jelly lint

I have nothing else better to do, so I am answering some unanswered questions I found online:

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car-pool lane?
Well technically, yes. Since there is more than one person in the car, but if there are two police cars leading and following it, they can drive anywhere they want to.

Can you cry under water?
yes, but you can't tell since you are surrounded by water

If a man alone in the woods said something would a woman still say he was wrong?
Yes, but she wouldn't know what he was wrong about.. and he couldn't hear her say he was wrong.

Can Bald people have Hairline fractures?
good question.

What’s the difference between a novel and a book?
one's considered an award winning piece of work. one's just pieces of paper sewn into cardboard

How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?
past the age of 75

If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?
well not really, they won't have anything to show

If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?
no.. it's a piece.. not the whole land

If you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket?
no.. it's a cold hot pocket.

If humans evolved from monkey’s/apes, why are they still here?
because not all of them evolved

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
They have special chemicals for them

Why is the show called unsolved mysteries? if they were solved they wouldn’t be mysteries.
it says "unsolved mysteries" meaning they were solved yet.. so they are still mysteries

Do penguins have knees?
it's called google

Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really its coming on?
cause coming on sounds retarded

How come people tell you not to stand in front of an emergency exit when if there was an emergency surely you would run through it?
because if people were to escape, they want to make sure everyone gets a fair start for the door instead of one lucky bastard getting out.

Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway?
because the whole world isn't as smart as you may think.

In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?
They should make a small religious section.

Why are both of Spongebob’s parents round like sea sponges while he is square like a kitchen sponge?
because sponge bob's name wouldn't be "spongebob squarepants" without his square pants

Does a two-humped camel store more water than a one-humped camel?
well, duh.

If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?
no.. if you pampered a cow, you wouldn't take milk from it.

Why is it that if someone yells “duck” they are helping you, but if they yell “chicken” they are insulting you?
because some people just don't like chicken's

If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?
if they got the wrong house...

If they have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven?
no.. angel's only eat philedelphia cream cheese and bagels. haven't you seen the commercials?

If you fart and burp at the same time, would it make a vacuum in your tummy?
no.. vacuums suck up things.. it'd just make you super skinny for a quick second

Do they call a fortune teller who cant see a “blind seer”?
there's no such thing as a fortune teller.

Why do you put two cents in when its only a penny for your thoughts?
because they like to give advice when they gamble

Can you cry underwater?
i already answered this

You know the signs on restaurant doors? No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? what if someone goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them?
no one would have the guts to come in without any pants

If an African elephant comes to America, is it an African-American elephant?
no.. it's still an african elephant.

Why doesn’t flavored gum turn your mouth that color?
it's not food coloring

If a doctor suddenly died while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
the patients first.. because he was there first.. besides. the doctor's already dead... the patient's not.

Why do we sing “Rock a bye baby” to lull our little ones to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle to the ground?
because as parents, that's what we would like to do since they don't stop crying and they cause post traumatic stress.. and baby's can't even talk so why can't we sing whatever we want?

Why do we say we’re head over heels when we’re happy? Isn’t that the way we normally are?
the term head over heels means we are doing backbends because we're so excited.. the heel is behind the foot, so in order to get the head 'over' the heels, you must do a backbend...

If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water… how did she ever bathe?
she didn't.. that's why she's green.

If bald people work as chefs in a restaurant,do they have to wear hairnets?
no.. chefs wear chef hats

Why do sleeping pills have warning labels that state :’Caution: May Cause Drowsiness?
because some people are stupid, once again.

Do nudists have pin-ups of people with clothes on?
do I look like a nudist to you?...

How can Darth Vader breathe and talk at the same time?
we do it everyday, genius

If there’s a wheelchair-bound comedian, is it still called “stand-up”?
yes.. stand up comedy means it's so funny.. the audience does a standing ovation cause it's so hilarious

When the French swear do they say pardon my English?
no.. they just say pardon my language...

Do people who use sign language see little hands in their head when they think about what somebody said, or do they hear the words in their head?
i think they think about the hands in the sign language because thats how they communicate.. but i wouldn't know.. I speak english

How did Walt Disney figure out how to make people pay to stand in lines all day?
he used to talk to himself

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
because we hope that our parents went to the store within the five minutes that we left the refridgerator
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
bubbles are clear.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
because people don't deserve to be trusted

Why do they call someone “late” if they died early?
because it was too late


well there you have it.. let me know your opinions..
pce
-tatermarie